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Friday, 1 August 2014

a little bit of Joey

Barking Mad


Well the barking has finally got to She-mom.
Well actually it wasn’t the barking; it was the smell.
Well really it wasn’t the smell but what/who had caused the smell.
I am definitely in the dog house.


She was sitting with her feet up and had been trying to identify the smell for a few days but couldn’t work out what it was or where it was coming from. She’d checked the fridge and shut the back windows in case it was drifting in and disinfected the bin too. But it was still there. Then just as we were off to bed, she dropped onto the floor, sniffing like a blood hound. Uh oh. My number was up as she neared the far end of the couch ‘Joey!’ I cowered. She’d found it. I couldn’t look. She was wiping her hand on the couch and the carpet; maybe the puppy eyes would work?

Copious amounts of kitchen towel flowed from her hands like a white bouquet as she dropped it onto the spot where I had pee’d.  She was mumbling something again but I kept well away. All she did was look at me with those eyes. Not the lovey dovey ‘you are my best boy’ eyes but the slightly cooky ‘Hellraiser’ ones.
 I slept on the landing for most of the night before creeping onto the bed and making myself so small in the corner that she wouldn’t notice.

It was still there, the smell that is, so she-mom was consulting the oracle on her ipad. Water then a nose wrinkling vinegar and water were applied, more paper towel and a brick. Success. No smells. I still kept out of the way and made myself busy in the conservatory fly catching; I know this impresses her; cats bring mice, I catch flies, simples. But I mean, it’s her own fault really. If she is going to bring a bloke in here to challenge my male domain, what does she think will happen? Boys will be boys!

I settled down in the sun and relaxed. Life was sweet again, or so I thought.
I raised an eyebrow as I heard my name called. She-mom had my lead in her hand. WALKIES! Excitement and circles and whoops and woofs of delight; WALKIES! Where are we going, it’s evening and we are getting in the car? Oh no. had I blown it this time? Was I going back ‘there’? Now I was scared. I barked.
And I barked and barked. NOOOOO!

We stopped. Where were we? The park? Hmmm no. I sniffed the air. I could smell other dogs. Little dogs, big dogs, puppy dogs and old dogs. Was she going to leave me in a cell again? We were going towards the big doors where a cute little Pomeranian had just gone in.
In we went and there was a big black Labrador. Oh my, he was huge and he just sat there, happy as you like not even taking any notice of me. We walked towards another couple of She-moms, they were smiley and were stroking me and giving me the lovey dovey eyes. This wasn’t a cell place, this was a happy place and I liked these She-moms! Then I saw two Spaniels and another dog I didn’t know, just lazing away by some chairs, napping. She-mom was leading my up some stairs and then we were above everybody. I like this; I can see and be seen and, hello, here’s the cute little Pomeranian: but what’s going on? More dogs were coming in.
Then they were all walking in a circle with the big lab in the middle watching over them with his He-dad. Then they changed direction and walked in circles the other way.  And then…oh…and then… I sniffed…bacon! I smell bacon! Oh yes, treats!!!! I sat bolt upright; I wanted treats but it was all the other dogs getting treats. I gave She-mom the puppy eyes, would it work? Yeah I got a treat too.


But what was I doing here?